Story from My Navy Days – Mohammedmccarthy

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HUMOR IN UNIFORM

“PONGO” and “PANI PURI”

Story from my Navy Days by Vikram Karve

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“PONGO”

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One of many perils of “jointmanship” is that the numerically smaller providers — the Navy and the Air Pressure — are dropping their distinctive identification — and — the Military is making an attempt to make everybody a “Pongo” — beneath the guise of “standardisation”.

Somebody informed me that the normal “Refined” Navy Parade Drill was modified a number of years in the past to be in conformance with relatively “Brash” Military Drill Follow.

The Navy has imitated the Military and launched Military Type Collar Tabs on its uniforms for senior officers — and made the Naval Uniforms extra “showy” — just like the Military — by introducing varied accoutrements and badges — and hardly any Navy Officer now wears the normal easy Costume № 8 — Navy Shirt and Shorts Uniform (“half-pant”) — which is most comfy and apt for the tropics.

Earlier — you can simply distinguish between a Sailor and a “Pongo”.

Normally — a Naval Officer would sport a full-set beard or sideburns until the underside of the ear-lobe — and have an honest size of hair.

Now — I’ve noticed that the majority younger Naval Officers desire to have Military Type Crew Cuts — and only a few Navy Officers sport conventional flowing full-set beards.

Earlier — “Pongos” in white uniform had been fairly uncommon.

Now — virtually each Sailor seems to be like a “Pongo”.

Let me delve into my my “Humor in Uniform” Archives and let you know a narrative of 1 such “Pongo” in white uniform.

However earlier than that — let me let you know why army-men are known as “Pongos”.

Sure — “Pongo” is Navy Slang for an Military Soldier.

Why is an Armyman known as a “Pongo”…?

Effectively — there are lots of apocryphal tales on the origins of the time period “Pongo”.

Right here is one such yarn that I heard lengthy again from an outdated “Sea Canine”.

He informed me that the time period “Pongo” originated within the Royal Navy to indicate an infantryman.

As per a fantasy — the “Pongo” was a singular ape.

When he sensed hazard or felt scared — the “Pongo” didn’t climb bushes like most apes or monkeys usually do.

However the “Pongo” would dig holes within the earth and conceal himself within the floor — in the identical method as squaddies dug in and entrenched themselves within the floor once they had been beneath assault in battle.

One other related yarn says that “Pongo” is derived from the archaic title for the Orangutan — which had the behavior of digging holes within the floor for no obvious motive — after which filling the holes again.

The Sailors in all probability noticed Military Troopers digging away — and therefore the nickname “Pongo” for Military Troopers.

Sorry for the digression, Pricey Reader.

Right here is the story of a “Pongo” within the Navy.

Have a Snigger…!!!

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“COLONEL BLIMP” AND PANI PURI

Spoof By Vikram Karve

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THE OLQ OBSESSED KILLJOY “PONGO” IN WHITE UNIFORM

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Round 48 years in the past — method again within the 1970’s — once we had been younger Sub-Lieutenants — present process our specialisation course at a Navy “Stone Frigate” — we had a “Colonel Blimp” kind Coaching Officer.

He was extra of a “Pongo” than a Naval Officer.

Although he was just a few years senior to us — he was a archaic pompous snob with out-of-date ultra-conservative conformist views.

This officer was actually a “Relic of the Raj”.

A quintessential Navy Archetype — a typical “Sainik” Faculty and ex-NDA kind — he had seen very much less of the civilian world.

So far as he was involved — like a “frog in a properly” — for him — the “Fauj” (Navy) was the “be all and finish all” of his life.

In truth — he was so “OG” — that we thought that he was higher suited to the Military — relatively than for the Navy.

Sure — he was extra of a “spit and polish” prim and correct “Pongo” — than a carefree happy-go-lucky Sailor.

He would have been higher off carrying Military Olive Inexperienced (OG) — relatively than donning Navy Whites.

His favorite pastime was to ship sermons on army conduct — and provides us ethical lectures on OLQ (Officer Like Qualities)

He would hold forth about service etiquette and social graces — and the way we should conduct ourselves as officers.

However — one factor was certain.

He practiced what he preached.

And — he preached what he practiced.

His turn-out was spotless — and his “army” bearing was at all times immaculate — his “officer-like conduct” was unblemished — and he at all times put “service earlier than self”.

However for us younger happy-go-lucky children who needed to get pleasure from life — this “Colonel Blimp” was an enormous ache within the neck.

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OFFICERS DO NOT EAT “PANI PURI”

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One night whereas on liberty (shore depart) — we had been having fun with consuming scrumptious Pani Puri (Gol Gappa) at a roadside stall.

“Colonel Blimp” who was driving by on his scooter noticed us consuming Pani Puri with homosexual abandon.

And worse — we had been consuming at a roadside stall.

He appeared completely shocked and appalled.

However — he didn’t say something there.

He simply drove by on his scooter.

Subsequent morning he lined us up — and gave us what in Naval parlance is named a “bottle” — a really extreme reprimand and scolding which I can bear in mind even as we speak.

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Pricey Reader — let me digress a bit from the story and let you know why a reprimand is named a “bottle” within the Navy — the genesis of he time period “bottle” for a admonishment, reprimand or scolding.

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The Navy “Bottle”

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The time period “BOTTLE” is Naval Slang for a “Reprimand”.

“Bottle” might have been shortened from “a dose from the foretopman’s Bottle”.

This can be related with the story that — in crusing ship days — bottles of drugs (for the commoner illnesses) had been labelled in accordance with the “components of the ship”.

When a seaman reported to the sick bay — he was dosed from the bottle belonging to his personal a part of the ship.

So — in Navy Parlance — giving or receiving a “bottle” — meant — giving or receiving a “dose” — an disagreeable however obligatory reprimand.

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There’s one other bawdy model of why an admonishment is named “bottle”.

In cockney rhyming slang :

“bottle” means “arse” (spelt “ass” by People)

In Navy Rhyming Slang :

“bottle and glass” — rhymes with “arse”…

So — after receiving a “bottle” (reprimand) — the recipient of the “bottle” was speculated to be “bottled up”.

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Pricey Reader — I’ll depart the remainder to your creativeness.

Now — the digression is over — and allow us to return to the story I used to be telling you — about “Colonel Blimp” and “Pani Puri”…

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PANI PURI

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Pricey Reader — as I informed you — one night whereas on liberty (shore depart) — we had been having fun with consuming scrumptious Pani Puri (Gol Gappa) at a roadside stall.

“Colonel Blimp” who was driving by on his scooter noticed us consuming Pani Puri — and worse — we had been consuming at a roadside stall.

He appeared completely shocked and appalled.

However — he didn’t say something there — he simply drove by on his scooter.

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Subsequent morning he lined us up — and gave us what in Naval parlance is named a “bottle” — a really extreme reprimand and scolding which I can bear in mind even as we speak.

He admonished us:

“How can officers behave like this…?”

“You uncivilized buggers had been consuming Pani Puri at a roadside stall…?”

“It’s simply not achieved…!!!”

“Officers should have correct “class”.

You might be now not faculty college students.

As officers — you have to dine in good respectable eating places.

“Do not forget that your conduct is being watched always.”

“As Officers — you’re anticipated to conduct yourselves with correct dignity.”

“Officers aren’t anticipated to hang around like hooligans within the open — Officers aren’t speculated to eat junk meals like “Pani-Puri” at roadside stalls…”

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“Colonel Blimp” went on and on and on and on — an extended “sermon”.

Then — after he had completed his tirade — he introduced that we had been being punished for our misdemeanours.

In an authoritative voice — he stated to us:

“You bloody “riff-raff” aren’t match to go ashore.

So — I’m stopping your liberty as a punishment…”

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So — as punishment for our foodie escapades — “Colonel Blimp” stopped our liberty.

Now — we might now not exit and benefit from the delights town needed to supply.

Thus — we had no selection however to spend the remainder of our coaching interval evenings within the Wardroom Bar — drowning our sorrows in alcohol.

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7 YEARS LATER

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New Delhi

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Just a few years later — round seven years after the “Pani Puri” incident — on a winter night in Delhi — my spouse and I walked down from our flat in Curzon Street Flats on Kasturba Gandhi Marg to the well-known Bengali Market close by for our customary night “tiffin” snacking.

Out of the blue — I noticed “Colonel Blimp” on the well-known Chaat Stall in Bengali Market.

Standing subsequent to “Colonel Blimp” was a good looking lady.

The attractive lady was consuming “Pani Puri”.

“Colonel Blimp” was trying on the attractive girl in a relatively chilly and disapproving kind of method.

However — this didn’t appear to trouble the ravishing magnificence — and he or she was completely having fun with herself consuming “Pani Puri”.

She was consuming “Pani Puri” after “Pani Puri” — and slurping her tongue — and smacking her lips in delight.

I couldn’t miss this pleasant alternative — so — I walked as much as “Colonel Blimp” — and — I launched my spouse.

“Colonel Blimp” launched the attractive lady as his fiancée.

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The attractive girl — Colonel Blimp’s fiancée — she gave us a beautiful smile and spoke cheerfully.

“Hey Guys — take care of some Pani Puri…?” she requested us.

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This was a proposal I couldn’t refuse.

“Positive — we’d like to have Pani Puri…” I stated to her.

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After which — all of us (besides “Colonel Blimp”) — we — Colonel Blimp’s fiancée, my spouse and I — we relished plate after plate of lip-smacking pani puri and chaat

Sure — we gorged on pani puri and all varieties of scrumptious chaat.

All of us stood on the street and ate pani puri and chaat — besides “Colonel Blimp”.

Sure — the Killjoy OLQ Obsessed Pongo “Colonel Blimp” was the one one who didn’t eat Pani Puri.

He checked out us with discomfiture.

He staunchly refused our repeated invites to affix us in consuming the scrumptious mouthwatering Pani Puri and chaat.

Whereas leaving — “Colonel Blimp” gave me a stern disapproving look.

I knew he was itching to ship his inventory ethical lecture — his customary sermon on “OLQ” (Officer Like Qualities).

However then — in his rule-book — “it was simply not achieved” to bullshit juniors in entrance of girls.

So — I used to be spared the agony of a public scolding.

On our method again — I informed my spouse the story of “Colonel Blimp”.

My spouse was was certain that — the Killjoy OLQ obsessed Pongo “Colonel Blimp” — he would dump his fun-loving “un-officer-like” fiancée — as they gave the impression to be most incompatible for one another.

However — to our shock — we quickly acquired an invite for his or her marriage ceremony.

In fact — his marriage ceremony reception was held within the service institute — and all the things on the marriage ceremony reception was achieved in a most “officer like method”.

Colonel Blimp’s marriage ceremony reception was an especially decorous and most formal event — as if it had been an official social gathering.

His newly wedded spouse was conducting herself in a really prim and correct method.

We had been satisfied that OLQ Obsessed Pongo “Colonel Blimp” had taken cost of his spouse — and he had duly indoctrinated her on the finer points of “OLQ”, social graces and repair etiquette — and he had drilled into her — as to what was anticipated of her as a typical Naval Officer’s spouse.

It appeared that the OLQ Obsessed Pongo “Colonel Blimp” had transformed the enjoyable loving vivacious younger lady right into a quintessential “ NWWA Sort Navy Spouse ”.

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A Few Days Later

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ARE OFFICERS ALLOWED TO EAT “PANI PURI” (GOL GAPPA)…?

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Just a few days later — one night — my spouse and I had been strolling down from Kota Home in the direction of India Gate on Shahjahan Street.

Out of the blue we noticed Pongo “Colonel Blimp” consuming Pani Puri on the well-known “UPSC Chaat Wala” Stall — alongside together with his vivacious spouse.

I couldn’t consider my eyes.

Sure — Killjoy Pongo “Colonel Blimp” was truly relishing Pani Puri on a roadside stall.

The second he noticed us — he waved to us and invited us over for some Chaat and Pani Puri.

I used to be shocked.

This was an invite we couldn’t refuse.

It was nice to see Killjoy Pongo “Colonel Blimp” standing on the roadside — smiling and laughing with abandon — whereas he ate Pani Puri and Chaat on the roadside stall.

The metamorphosis was superb.

It appeared that Killjoy Pongo “Colonel Blimp” had misplaced all his stiff Navy “OG-ness”.

He was behaving like a standard “civilian” human being.

He was completely having fun with himself — digging into chaat — after which popping pani puris into his mouth — consuming gol gappa after gol gappa — in a really carefree method — completely oblivious of the environment.

The vivacious lady had succeeded in remodeling the “spit and polish” — “prim and correct” — OLQ obsessed killjoy Pongo — “Colonel Blimp” — right into a carefree “happy-go-lucky” Sailor.

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DOES MARRIAGE CHANGE YOU…?

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I’ve seen many Officers change for the higher after marriage.

And — in fact — some Officers change for the more severe after marriage.

I had a carefree “devil-may-care” happy-go-lucky coursemate — who instantly grew to become bold and career-conscious after marriage.

However that’s one other story…

For now — allow us to benefit from the “Pani Puri” story of OLQ Obsessed Killjoy Pongo “Colonel Blimp” and have fun.

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Pricey Reader:

Do you want “Pani Puri”…?

Please inform us about your favorite “Pani Puri” place.

The place do you get one of the best “Pani Puri” in your city…?

And — do you bear in mind the place did you eat one of the best “Pani Puri” in your life…?

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VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 1. When you share this publish, please give due credit score to the creator Vikram Karve 2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Lower/Copy/Paste this publish © vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

This weblog publish is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, only for enjoyable and humor, no offence is supposed to anybody, so take it with a pinch of salt and have fun.
All tales on this weblog are a piece of fiction. Occasions, Locations, Settings and Incidents narrated within the tales are a figment of my creativeness. The characters don’t exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to individuals, dwelling or useless, is solely coincidental.
E&OE

No a part of this Weblog could also be reproduced or utilized in any kind or by any means, digital or mechanical together with photocopying or by any info storage and retrieval system, with out permission in writing from the Weblog Writer Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Hyperlink to my supply weblog publish in my Weblog Educational and Artistic Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/07/metamorphosis-of-killjoy-story-of.html

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