Yawning within the physician’s workplace, melting ice cream, ready in visitors, stolen kisses, bedtime rituals—these mundane, in-between moments took on new that means within the wake of photographer Anna Rathkopf’s most cancers analysis. When Anna was identified at 37 with an aggressive type of breast most cancers, she knew she needed to doc this time for her younger son. Her husband and caregiver, Jordan Rathkopf, additionally began photographing, capturing their household’s most cancers journey from his perspective.
The ensuing ebook, HER2, is a shifting and weak portrait of a household providing an intimate and rarely-seen have a look at the “new regular” many most cancers sufferers face: the emotional and on a regular basis realities of life within the face of sickness. Via pictures and tales shared by Anna, Jordan, and their baby, the Rathkopfs’ invite viewers to witness the complexity of survivorship, vulnerability, and resilience.
“This ebook is a testomony to our trauma, grief, resilience, hope, and the deep love that sustains us. It’s our
story, however not ours alone. Others have gone via their very own experiences, however we’re related via emotions.”Anna Rathkopf
Figuring out their story is relatable and highly effective for anybody who finds themselves or their members of the family on this state of affairs, Jordan has since based the Affected person Caregiver Artist Coalition, a non-profit group devoted to fostering authenticity and inclusivity in how sickness is portrayed. Collectively, the Rathkopfs’ share their impactful story—a testomony to like, power, and the profound humanity that may be discovered within the hardest of instances.
How did photographing one another and yourselves allow you to course of Anna’s most cancers analysis and the following journey?
ANNA: “The day after I used to be identified with most cancers, I decided to doc our journey. I didn’t know the way superior my most cancers was or whether or not I’d survive, however I felt an amazing must create one thing for our son, Jesse—reminiscences he might maintain onto if I didn’t make it. Over time, that want developed into one thing extra: a method to reclaim my voice in a state of affairs the place I felt fully silenced and powerless.
“Most cancers stripped away a lot. I misplaced my confidence, felt betrayed by my physique, and grieved the lack of my fertility. However via all of the ache and uncertainty, my digital camera turned my refuge. It gave me a method to course of what I used to be feeling and share it when phrases weren’t sufficient.
“Pictures wasn’t nearly documenting what occurred—it turned a part of my therapeutic. It helped me begin piecing myself again collectively, connecting the particular person I used to be earlier than most cancers, throughout it, and who I’m now. It gave me house to really feel seen, on my own and others, in a approach I desperately wanted. And it nonetheless is.”
JORDAN: “At first, images was my lifeline. I didn’t know the best way to put my emotions into phrases, and I used to be afraid to say a few of the issues I used to be feeling. However artwork—images, and music, in my case—gave me a method to course of these feelings. It felt therapeutic and pure.
“Within the earliest days, I used to be centered on Anna and what was occurring to our household. I didn’t actually take into consideration documenting myself or my very own expertise. It wasn’t till years later, seeing Anna’s self-portraits, that I felt impressed to show the digital camera on myself. Her self-reflection made me notice I had uncared for my sense of id. Being a caregiver is extremely onerous, but it surely’s nothing in comparison with being the particular person identified. That perspective made it troublesome for me to offer weight to my struggles. Pictures has helped me reclaim a way of self—it’s jogged my memory that my expertise issues too.”
Your undertaking “HER2” captures such intimate, uncooked moments. How did you resolve which moments to incorporate or exclude?
ANNA: “Selecting which pictures to incorporate and deciding the best way to inform our story was extraordinarily troublesome. Though Jordan and I went via all the things collectively, we every noticed and felt issues in a different way. We introduced in others to assist information us and provides an out of doors perspective, which made it simpler to step again and make selections, even when it was onerous to let go of sure pictures. It was positively a crew effort, and within the course of, we discovered a lot extra about ourselves.
“This undertaking introduced us nearer as a pair. Speaking about how we felt throughout these moments within the pictures opened up conversations that deepened our understanding of one another. I acquired to know Jordan on an entire new stage.
“And thru all of it, we stored our son in thoughts—wanting the story to mirror not simply what we went via, however the way it formed us as a household.”
JORDAN: “A few of my favourite pictures didn’t make it into the ebook as a result of the sequence wanted steadiness. Each picture needed to serve the bigger story, not simply stand out individually.
“The toughest half was narrowing the main focus. We centered the story on our nuclear household—Anna, Jesse, and me—although different occasions, like Anna’s mom’s stroke and most cancers analysis or the lack of an in depth pal, profoundly impacted us. Finally, we needed the narrative to remain anchored to Anna’s analysis and the way it formed our household although there have been a number of different issues which have occurred prior to now years along with the aftermath of her analysis.”
What did you every find out about yourselves and one another via this undertaking? Did any moments shock you?
ANNA: “I keep in mind one photograph Jordan took of me. My first thought was, “Wow, he made me look so stunning.” But it surely wasn’t about how I regarded—I might really feel his love for me in that {photograph}. He beloved me even after I couldn’t love myself, and that’s one thing actually extraordinary. I’ll at all times be thankful for that.
“Engaged on this undertaking additionally helped me see the love Jordan has for Jesse. There’s one thing so particular about watching how he interacts with our son. These little, on a regular basis moments which may appear so small—they’re all the things. Seeing that love via the lens has been such a present.”
The mundane moments turned all the things after I acquired sick. All of the sudden, nothing felt unimportant anymore as a result of I didn’t know if I’d get to expertise these small, bizarre issues once more. It gave me a brand new appreciation for all of it.
Anna Rathkopf
JORDAN: “Seeing Anna’s images gave me a totally new perspective on what she was going via. For years, I had been documenting her, however I got here to comprehend that I used to be capturing my model of her expertise—filtered via my perceptions of what she was feeling. Her pictures revealed layers of vulnerability, ache, grief, pleasure, and resilience that I hadn’t totally grasped.
“That realization pressured me to confront the subjectivity of my lens—not simply as a photographer, however as a companion. It was humbling to acknowledge how a lot I had been projecting my very own narrative onto her expertise. It taught me to method each images and my relationships with a better sense of humility and deeper empathy.”
all the things had modified for us in sitting inside that room.
Many individuals really feel pressured to “keep optimistic” throughout their most cancers journey. How did this expectation form or battle together with your expertise?
ANNA: “The strain to “keep optimistic” was one thing I actually struggled with. All of the sudden, I used to be hyper-aware of all these pictures in motion pictures and adverts of girls who have been sick however nonetheless glowing, smiling, and powerful. It felt like I used to be being smothered by this concept of how I used to be “supposed” to be. And sadly, these pictures affect how individuals take into consideration sickness. I keep in mind individuals telling me I should be optimistic and I simply didn’t get it. I heard that I’d die, they usually stored telling me to be optimistic about it. The photographs of girls in good make-up felt like they have been silencing me and all the things I used to be really feeling—grief, worry, and exhaustion.
“As a sick lady, there’s additionally this expectation to look a sure approach—like these good heroines in completely ironed scarves, radiating power. However I didn’t really feel robust. I simply needed to outlive. I needed to be right here for my two-year-old son, who was too younger to even keep in mind me if I didn’t make it. I needed to be right here.
“This fixed push to be “optimistic” felt alienating. It made me really feel like I couldn’t be sincere in regards to the tougher components of what I used to be going via, and that loneliness made all the things even heavier.”
JORDAN: “That strain formed and, in some methods, nonetheless shapes a lot of our expertise. From the second Anna was identified, there was an expectation to look superb or a minimum of higher than we might have felt. It was current at work, at residence, and even within the hospital. After Anna entered survivorship, the expectation shifted once more. We have been alleged to really feel grateful and transfer on, however the actuality is way extra sophisticated.
“Whereas we’re deeply grateful, we additionally reside with the worry that most cancers might return. Anna’s analysis was surprising—she had no important danger components like age or household historical past—which makes it tougher to really feel safe. That strain to undertaking positivity usually conflicts with the continuing actuality of dwelling with uncertainty. “
In what methods did the digital camera change into a therapeutic and even empowering software for you each?
ANNA: “For me, the digital camera turned my companion. Each time I had a physician’s appointment, I’d pack my digital camera, and simply that act of packing made me really feel like I used to be doing one thing for myself—not simply sitting again and ready for the outcomes.
“The digital camera gave me a voice. It allowed me to precise the way it actually felt—what phrases couldn’t seize. Via my pictures, I might present others the uncooked fact of these moments, and that turned such an important a part of my therapeutic course of.”
JORDAN: “For me, the digital camera was each a defend and a magnifying glass. It allowed me to watch from a secure distance when issues felt overwhelming, but it surely additionally helped me look carefully at moments I may need in any other case prevented. It turned a protecting layer—a method to course of with out being fully uncovered.
“On the identical time, it was a time capsule. It preserved moments of affection and pleasure that I by no means needed to overlook. The act of photographing gave me a way of management and a method to maintain onto hope.”
How has your understanding of vulnerability modified via your work on HER2?
ANNA: “I’ve come to comprehend that vulnerability permits for a deeper reference to others. By opening up and letting individuals into my interior world, I’ve discovered that it creates house for deep understanding and connection and will help others to open up as properly. There doesn’t should be disgrace in displaying emotions—in truth, it’s via that honesty that I’ve been in a position to method others meaningfully.
“I grew up in a household and tradition (I’m initially from the Czech Republic) the place expressing feelings or speaking about emotions was usually seen as an indication of weak point. However what I’ve found is that the rawness and honesty in our work assist me join with others who really feel unseen or misunderstood. It’s the vulnerability that invitations them in and makes these connections potential.”
I’m starting to see vulnerability as a optimistic factor. I used to cover vulnerability as a result of I noticed it as a weak point.
Jordan Rathkopf
JORDAN: “When Anna acquired sick, I felt this should be the problem-solver, the one who held all the things collectively. However deep down, I used to be terrified and struggling deeply with managing my feelings and maintaining with my duties.
“I needed to confront my long-standing points with nervousness and melancholy—points I had ignored as a result of I needed to “man up” and undertaking power. Via this undertaking, I’ve discovered that being open and weak doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.”
Did documenting your experiences change the way you approached or interacted with one another throughout this time?
ANNA: “Our choice to doc our journey didn’t actually change how we interacted, but it surely did open up new methods for us to attach. Typically, it might result in laughter or begin conversations, giving us the possibility to speak about issues we would not have in any other case.
“Taking pictures of one another was simply one other approach we might present our belief, letting us seize moments that have been each weak and significant to us.”
JORDAN: “It didn’t change my general method with Anna, but it surely did impression sure interactions—primarily for the higher. Taking pictures typically introduced levity to troublesome moments. Anna would see me fumbling with the digital camera to try to discreetly seize a second, and he or she would begin laughing.
“I used to be at all times conscious to not let the digital camera come earlier than her. She was extremely open and consented to permit me to seize her in any respect moments, however I didn’t need her to really feel that documenting our lives was extra essential than her consolation and well-being. I feel that steadiness allowed us to make use of images as a software for connection, not distraction.”
Have been there explicit visible themes or symbols that emerged repeatedly in your work?
ANNA: “Nature turned one thing I needed to seize. It helped me emotionally and related me to my grandfather, a World Struggle II vet who taught me the best way to backyard as a baby in Czechoslovakia. Solely after I acquired sick, did I start to grasp that his gardening was how he dealt together with his trauma.
“Then there was the fixed presence of our son. He was at all times on the middle of all the things we did. Jordan and I have been scared, however Jesse—he was the one main us, like a light-weight in a tunnel.”
JORDAN: “Some of the highly effective themes in Anna’s work was the altering seasons. Her images captured the bittersweet feelings of these transitions—at all times layered and by no means rooted in only one feeling.
“Her pictures of Jesse have been extremely stunning. Via her lens, I might see her profound love for him, the maternal bond, and the way extremely deeply related they’re.”
How do you navigate the emotional boundaries between your private lives and the undertaking when reviewing or sharing the work?
ANNA: “Balancing emotional boundaries is admittedly onerous. It’s a course of that we’re nonetheless studying the best way to do.
“Our undertaking is part of our lives, as is most cancers and my fears, and it’s one thing that we have to discover ways to reside with and the best way to combine into our lives.”
JORDAN: “I’m nonetheless studying. Typically, I really feel like I’ve created emotional boundaries, however then one thing will remind me how deeply this work impacts me. Sharing it—whether or not in a ebook, an exhibition, or a chat—will be extra emotionally draining than I anticipate.
“Once we share our story publicly, it will probably really feel like we’re turning our lives right into a narrative, which creates an odd sense of distance. On the identical time, it brings us nearer to others who join with our expertise. Balancing these feelings is an ongoing course of.”
Has sharing your story opened doorways to connecting with others in related circumstances?
ANNA: “Completely, a hundred percent. We’ve been connecting with so many individuals, and each new connection reminds us how many people are on the market, dealing with related struggles. The sense of group that’s developed has been unbelievable. It’s that sense of connection that retains us going, realizing we’re not alone and that our story issues.”
JORDAN: “Completely. One of the best a part of sharing our story has been the connections we’ve made with others. Each time I query whether or not we’ve shared an excessive amount of, somebody reaches out to say our expertise resonates with them. These moments remind us that we’re not alone.
“Typically, individuals inform us that our story has helped them, however I don’t assume they notice how a lot it helps us to attach with them, really feel seen, and get to see them, too.”
Do you view “HER2” as a completed story or an evolving visible diary?
ANNA: “We photographed throughout the therapy and a yr after and after, and it by no means felt like we might simply cease. After I hit the “five-year survival mark” and was advised that I used to be being moved into survivorship and the medical doctors wouldn’t must see me anymore, I felt deserted and scared. That’s after I needed to create one thing tangible, and that’s after we actually began to speak a couple of ebook kind. However my worry shouldn’t be going anyplace and I simply must study to reside with that. So I’d say that HER2 is part of one thing bigger, a approach the best way to cope with trauma.”
JORDAN: “HER2 is a chapter of our lives, but it surely’s onerous to name it completed as a result of it’s so deeply tied to who we’re and the way we’ve grown. It represents a model of our expertise—one formed by the place we’re in our lives proper now. Even inside these first seven years, the that means of sure pictures has shifted. Images we took at the start now resonate in a different way, carrying layers we couldn’t have understood on the time.
“On days after I really feel courageous sufficient to assume far forward, I can think about persevering with this work for many years, letting it evolve as we do. However I’ve additionally discovered to remain grounded within the current. It feels safer—possibly even somewhat superstitious—however for now, staying rooted helps me transfer ahead.”
What has been probably the most rewarding a part of telling this story collectively?
ANNA: “Probably the most rewarding a part of this complete journey is that we did it collectively, and although it has not been simple to open up about so many facets of what we went via, we’re doing it. I discovered a lot about Jordan and the way in which how he sees the world now than I did earlier than, and I felt I knew him very properly.”
JORDAN: “Probably the most rewarding half is having the ability to inform this story collectively. There have been moments after I wasn’t certain if Anna would survive, and now, sharing our journey as a crew jogs my memory of how a lot we’ve been there for one another.
“This expertise hasn’t been with out its challenges—there have been cracks, and at instances it felt overwhelming. However working via it collectively has strengthened our bond. It’s proven me that irrespective of how troublesome life will get, we are able to depend on one another when it issues most.”
Speak to me in regards to the Affected person Caregiver Artist Coalition. What’s your purpose with this nonprofit?
ANNA: “Each time I speak to different individuals how they really feel about their sickness or every other trauma, there may be at all times this sense of disconnection and loneliness, there may be this fashion the best way to inform story that’s so many instances advised by individuals who haven’t any intimate connection to the topic and it reveals. We wish others to really feel seen and have their voices heard via genuine experiences.”
JORDAN: “We began sharing our story as a result of we didn’t see visuals that mirrored what we have been experiencing as a younger household navigating sickness. Most depictions felt too upbeat or too tragic. We didn’t really feel seen, and after we started assembly others who felt the identical, it inspired us to maintain going.
“The Affected person Caregiver Artist Coalition is about making a group of artists with lived expertise of sickness, damage, or incapacity. Our purpose is to advertise genuine, emotionally resonant depictions of affected person and caregiver experiences whereas pointing towards tangible help for the group. We need to normalize actual conversations about these points—conversations pushed by the individuals who have lived them.”
What do you hope readers take away from “HER2”?
ANNA: “I hope they really feel much less alone. Sickness is messy, however there’s no “proper” method to undergo it.”
JORDAN: “I hope readers see that sickness doesn’t exist in a vacuum—it impacts each facet of our lives, {our relationships}, and the way in which we see ourselves. Greater than something, I hope individuals really feel much less alone once they see this work.”
