What I Realized When My Mind and Physique Shut Down

“Virtually the whole lot will work once more in case you unplug it for a couple of minutes, together with you.” ~Anne Lamott

I used to imagine that success meant all the time being accessible. All the time saying sure. All the time responding instantly to emails, Slack pings, texts, no matter was thrown my method. As a result of if I finished—even for a second—I would fall behind. And if I wasn’t working more durable than everybody else, was I even working laborious sufficient?

For years, that mindset labored. Or so I believed. Each win, each promotion, each new milestone felt like including gas to the hearth. The extra I ‘succeeded’ by society’s requirements—the title, the profession, the monetary stability—the extra I pushed myself to do extra, to be extra.

My perfectionism kicked in, too. I didn’t simply wish to succeed; I wished to be good at the whole lot—profession, management, motherhood, marriage, friendships. And I by no means eliminated something from my plate—I simply stored stacking it larger.

I climbed the company ladder, turned the primary feminine VP in a 300-person advertising org at a Fortune 500 firm, and checked each success field that ought to have made me really feel completed. However as a substitute of feeling fulfilled, I felt… empty. Exhausted. Like I used to be operating on fumes however too scared to cease.

After which in the future, my physique gave me no selection however to cease. It wasn’t a sluggish fade or a warning signal I might ignore—it was like somebody pulled the plug. I went from a high-functioning overachiever to somebody who couldn’t even type a sentence with out feeling mentally drained.

Not simply stress. Not simply exhaustion. A full-body, full-brain shutdown. Emails didn’t make sense. Conversations felt like static. I couldn’t course of ideas.

My mind hit the off change, and I didn’t know easy methods to flip it again on. I sat at my desk, looking at my display, and for the primary time in my life, I bodily couldn’t push by means of.

That second scared me greater than something.

5 years earlier than my full breakdown, I had already been on a collision course. In that brief span of time, I turned a mom, received promoted to director, took on extra groups and obligations, misplaced my sister and grandmother, and moved into a brand new home—which promptly caught fireplace.

However I nonetheless stored pushing, nonetheless stored performing, as a result of slowing down wasn’t an choice. Till my physique made it one.

I keep in mind sitting in my automobile after work, gripping the steering wheel, staring blankly forward. I had nothing left.

It wasn’t simply exhaustion; it was one thing deeper, one thing that made me really feel like I had misplaced management over my very own thoughts and physique. I had constructed my total id on being productive, on being the go-to particular person, the one who all the time delivered.

However now I had nothing left to offer. And I had no concept easy methods to repair it.

What I Realized from My Breaking Level

However how did I get to that time?

How did I’m going from thriving on the hustle to utterly shutting down?

Trying again, the indicators had been all there—I simply ignored them.

The late nights, the skipped meals, the creeping exhaustion I stored dismissing as ‘simply a part of the job.’ My physique had been warning me for years, and I didn’t hear. Till I had no selection.

That breaking level pressured me to ask myself one thing I had spent my complete life avoiding:

What am I chasing, and at what value?

Right here’s what lastly made me notice I couldn’t preserve going like this (and what I want I had found out earlier than I hit all-time low):

1. Relaxation isn’t a reward. It’s a requirement.

For the longest time, I believed sleeping extra would repair the whole lot. I watched a MasterClass with Dr. Matt Walker (a sleep professional) and discovered all about chronotypes—morning larks vs. night time owls. I knew I used to be a morning lark, so I figured, Nice, I’ll simply get to mattress earlier, and that ought to do it!

Besides, it didn’t.

I’d lie there at night time, my physique nonetheless, however my mind operating marathons.

Did I give my kiddo his remedy?
Did somebody feed the canine?
Is my workforce member feeling higher after being out sick?
Crap, I forgot to maneuver the laundry. Now I’ve two decisions: depart it and take care of the stink tomorrow, or drag myself away from bed to repair it.

That’s after I realized that relaxation isn’t nearly sleep. It’s about giving your thoughts and physique an actual reset.

I discovered that after I hung out in my backyard, I had extra endurance with others.

I picked up crocheting for the primary time in twenty-five years, making beanies like my life trusted it. They had been lovable—and it introduced me a peace I hadn’t felt in years.

I began taking part in board video games with my children, laughing across the desk as a substitute of dashing them to mattress simply so I might soar again on-line and “get forward.”

For years, I handled parenting like a duty (which, to be honest, it’s), however I by no means simply let time be. The whole lot had been a process to finish, a schedule to comply with. However slowing down, being current, laughing with my household—THAT felt like true relaxation.

Relaxation isn’t nearly stopping. It’s about resetting in a method that really fuels you.

2. Ambition and stability can co-exist.

Let’s be actual—I’m nonetheless a piece in progress relating to boundaries. However one of many greatest shifts I made was realizing that the whole lot in life is a season.

I used to overthink each resolution. Saying no felt heavy, like I used to be closing a door without end. However as soon as I began considering in seasons, the whole lot modified.

As a substitute of “no,” I began saying “not proper now.” This made boundaries really feel lighter and simpler to stay to.
I received clear on my non-negotiables. If one thing stuffed my cup, it received precedence time. If one thing drained me? It was time to let it go.

For years, I used to be the sort of chief who mentioned issues like “I help your resolution” when somebody wanted day off—however the undertone was all the time “however we actually want you right here.” The unstated strain to overwork was actual.

Now, I construct my life round individuals who encourage me to spend money on myself—not simply help it, however push me to do it. And that makes all of the distinction.

3. If stopping feels scary, that’s an indication you should cease.

I used to be terrified to decelerate. I had constructed my total popularity on:

✔ All the time being accessible (Praised!)
✔ All the time performing on the high (Praised!)
✔ Residing each side of hustle tradition (Praised!).

It was my id. So, if I finished… who even was I?

What if I had labored my butt off for nothing?
What if individuals stopped seeing me as “profitable”—would they assume I used to be a failure?

I’m nonetheless on this transition, and actually, it’s nonetheless scary. However leaning into the unknown is a part of redefining success. That’s what makes it really feel much less terrifying.

I used to imagine success = standing, energy, cash.
Now, I see success as one thing greater—well being, pleasure, presence.

And whereas I received’t faux it’s simple, I can let you know this: it’s value it.

What This Means for You

For those who’re studying this, questioning why—regardless of all of your effort—you continue to really feel exhausted, caught, or empty… I get it. I’ve sat in that very same place, operating on fumes, satisfied that pushing more durable was the reply. Nevertheless it’s not. It by no means was.

You don’t have to interrupt earlier than you begin making modifications. Small shifts—pausing, setting boundaries, rethinking what success truly means—can prevent from ever reaching that breaking level.

Take the break now. Reclaim your vitality now. Redefine success now. As a result of the life you need isn’t ready in your subsequent achievement—it’s ready on you to cease operating lengthy sufficient to truly reside it.