“The that means of life is simply to be alive. It’s so plain and so apparent and so easy. And but, all people rushes round in an excellent panic as if it have been needed to attain one thing past themselves.” ~Alan Watts
As I enter the later stage of life, I discover myself asking questions which are much less about accomplishment and extra about that means. What issues now, when the necessity to show myself has softened, however the outdated voices of expectation nonetheless echo in my thoughts?
In a world that prizes novelty, velocity, and success, I’m wondering what occurs after we’re now not chasing these issues. What occurs when our vitality shifts from striving to listening? Can a life nonetheless be significant with out the highlight? Can we cease attempting to be distinctive—and nonetheless really feel like we belong?
These questions have taken root in me—not simply as passing ideas, however as deep inquiries that coloration my mornings, my quiet moments, even my goals. I don’t assume they’re simply my questions. I imagine they replicate one thing many people face as we get older and start to see life by means of a unique lens—not the lens of ambition, however of consideration.
Some mornings, I get up not sure of what I’m going to do. There’s no pressing mission at the moment, nobody needing my management, no schedule pulling me into movement. So I sit. I breathe. I attempt to pay attention—to not the noise of the world, however to one thing quieter: my very own breath, my heartbeat, the faint hum of presence beneath all of it.
I’ve had a life filled with significant work. I’ve been a filmmaker, a trainer, a musician, a author, a nonprofit director. I’ve labored throughout cultures and disciplines, typically off the crushed path. It was by no means glamorous, however it was honest. Nonetheless, regardless of all of that, a voice used to whisper: not sufficient.
I wasn’t the final one picked, however I used to be hardly ever the primary. I wasn’t ignored, however I wasn’t the standout. I didn’t acquire awards or titles. I walked a unique highway—and someplace alongside the way in which, I absorbed the idea that being “sufficient” meant being distinctive: chosen, praised, seen.
Even after I claimed to not care about recognition, a part of me nonetheless wished it. And when it didn’t come, I quietly started to doubt the worth of the trail I’d chosen.
Trying again, I see how early that want took maintain. As a baby, I typically felt peripheral—not excluded, however not important both. I had concepts, goals, questions, however I can’t recall anybody asking what they have been. The absence of actual listening—from academics, adults, methods—left a delicate wound. It taught me to measure value by response. If nobody requested, possibly it didn’t matter. Possibly I didn’t matter.
That form of message burrows deep. It doesn’t shout—it whispers. It tells you to show your self. To attempt. To succeed in for validation as an alternative of grounding in your personal presence. And so, like many, I spent many years chasing a way of that means, hoping it might be confirmed by the world round me.
When that affirmation didn’t come, I mistook my quiet path for failure. However now I see it extra clearly: I used to be by no means failing—I used to be residing. I simply didn’t have the cultural mirror to see myself clearly.
As a result of this isn’t simply private—it’s cultural.
In American life, we discuss honoring our elders, however we hardly ever do. We have a good time youth, disruption, and innovation however neglect continuity, reflection, and reminiscence. Growing older is framed as decline, somewhat than depth. Invisibility turns into a quiet destiny.
The office retires you. The tradition tunes you out. Even household buildings shift, typically unintentionally, to prioritize the brand new.
It’s not simply people who really feel this. It’s the society itself dropping its anchor.
In different cultures, ageing is seen in another way. The Stoics known as knowledge the very best advantage. Indigenous communities deal with elders as keepers of information, not as relics. The Vikings entrusted decision-making to their gray-haired assemblies. The Clan Moms of the Haudenosaunee and Queen Moms of West Africa held revered management roles rooted in time-earned perception, not in youth.
These cultures perceive one thing we’ve forgotten: that perspective takes time. That knowledge isn’t the product of velocity however of stillness. That life turns into extra useful—not much less—when it’s been deeply lived.
So the query shifts for me. It’s not simply What’s the purpose of my life now? It turns into What sort of tradition now not sees the purpose of lives like mine? If we measure human worth solely by productiveness, we find yourself discarding not simply folks—however the knowledge they carry.
Nonetheless, I don’t need to simply critique the tradition. I need to reside in another way. If the world has misplaced its reminiscence of how you can honor elders, maybe step one is to remember myself—and reside into that function, even when nobody names it for me.
In recent times, I’ve discovered grounding in Buddhist teachings—not as perception, however as a approach to stroll. The 4 Noble Truths communicate on to my expertise.
Struggling exists. And certainly one of its roots is tanhā—the yearning for issues to be aside from they’re.
That craving as soon as took the type of ambition, of perfectionism, of looking for approval. However now I see it extra clearly. I suffered not as a result of I lacked that means—however as a result of I believed that means needed to look a sure manner.
The Third Noble Fact presents one thing radical: the opportunity of launch. Not by means of accomplishment, however by means of letting go. And the Eightfold Path—Proper View, Proper Intention, Proper Motion, Proper Livelihood, and so forth—doesn’t prescribe a objective—it presents a rhythm. A approach to return to the current.
Letting go doesn’t imply retreat. It means softening the grip. Not greedy for certainty, however sitting with what’s actual. Not proving something, however residing with care.
Carl Jung suggested his sufferers to interrupt a sweat and preserve a journal. I attempt to do each.
Writing is how I make sense of what I really feel. It slows me down. It attracts me into presence. I don’t write to be identified. I write to know myself. Even when the phrases stay unseen, the method itself feels holy—as a result of it’s sincere.
I’ve stopped ready for somebody to provide me a platform or function. I’ve begun to reside as if what I supply issues, even when nobody applauds.
And on the very best days, that looks like freedom.
There are nonetheless mornings when doubt returns: Did I do sufficient? Did I miss my second? However I come again to this:
It issues as a result of it’s true. Not as a result of it’s exceptional. Not as a result of it modified the world. However as a result of I lived it sincerely. I stayed near what mattered to me. I didn’t look away.
That’s what belief feels wish to me now—not certainty or success, however a quiet willingness to maintain strolling, to maintain exhibiting up, to preserve listening. To reside this ultimate chapter not as a decline, however as a deepening.
Possibly the purpose isn’t to be distinctive. Possibly it’s to be current, to be actual, to be form. Possibly it’s to cross on one thing quieter than legacy however extra lasting than ego: consideration, care, perspective.
Possibly that’s what elders have been all the time meant to do.
About Tony Collins
Tony Collins is a documentary filmmaker, educator, and author whose work explores creativity, caregiving, and private development. He’s the writer of: Home windows to the Sea—a shifting assortment of essays on love, loss, and presence. Inventive Scholarship—a information for educators and artists rethinking how artistic work is valued. Tony writes to replicate on what issues—and to assist others really feel much less alone.
